Trauma and the Attachment Wound- Part 2

How to Heal from an Attachment Wound

 Last week’s blog was all about what an attachment wound is and how it can have lasting effects on a person’s functioning for the rest of their lives if they don’t address it. Today’s blog is all about how to heal.

Since the attachment wound is created when a person must choose attachment over authenticity, healing, not surprisingly, is all about helping a person connect to their authenticity. Remember, authenticity is when a person can feel all their feelings, express their thoughts, identify their needs and wants, and understands themselves as a separate entity.

How to be Authentic

 Step 1: Get into Your Body

To know how you feel, what you think, and what you need- you need to connect, or reconnect, with yourself. This first starts with you moving from your head and into your body. As a culture, we spend a lot of times in our heads and much less time in our bodies. When we are in our bodies, we are in the present. Your breathing is happening right now in this moment. Your jaw is tense in this moment. You have butterflies in your stomach right now. Authenticity is about being present with what you are feeling now.

A helpful way to move from your mind and into your body is by sitting quietly and scanning your body for a few minutes. Pay attention to any physical sensations in your body. You might notice your forehead is furrowed; you have ad dull headache; your breathing is shallow; you’re thirsty; you’re tired; you’re relaxed- whatever it is, just notice it. You’re connecting with what’s going on in your body- which helps you know what you feel, what you need, and what you think.

 Step 2: Learn the Language of Body Sensation

Sometimes when you scan your body, you might still not understand what you’re feeling. The tension in your jaw could mean a lot of different things. Your body speaks a different language- it speaks in sensations, which means you will need to learn the language of body sensations.

You can learn to translate your body’s sensations by taking time to explore the sensations. For example, explore the tension in your jaw. What is it like? Is it constant? Dull? Acute? Then ask why is this tension even here? What’s the emotion behind the sensation? Is it irritation? Anger? Frustration? Once you can link the sensation to an emotion you can begin to understand your body better.

If you determine its frustration- what are you frustrated about? What’s the message of this emotion? Every emotion we feel is there to provide us with information. Anger lets us know when our boundaries have been crossed. Guilt lets us know when we go against our values.

Here are some suggestions on how to create time to translate your body’s sensations:

 1.)   Meditation.

2.)   Journaling

3.)   Sitting quietly.

4.)   Being in nature.

5.)   Walking in silence.

6.)   Driving in silence.

This is not an extensive list. It’s basically anything that allows you to quiet yourself and check in with yourself to notice what you’re feeling.

Step 3: A Call to Action

Once you are aware of what you are feeling, thinking, and needing, you can begin to take action. For example, if you noticed that you are feeling drained and stretched too thin, you might need to carve out some alone time to unwind. Or maybe the recent interaction with your partner isn’t sitting well with you, and you decide to have a conversation about this.

Taking action is a testament to your sense of self and worth. It’s a declaration that what you are feeling matters and you will tend to it. In many ways, you are essentially learning to reparent yourself. Ideally, it’s your parent that mirrors your feelings, models emotional regulation, and teaches you how to know what you’re feeling, ask for what you need, and prioritizes your needs.

The more you learn how to connect with your body, decipher what you’re needing and feeling, and then take action- the more authentic you become to yourself. Once you form an authentic connection to yourself, you can show up more honestly in your relationships. This means if the relationship isn’t serving your authentic needs, you won’t choose the attachment over your authenticity anymore. As a child you had to choose attachment, now as an adult you can choose both.

Thing to Keep in Mind

 As you go through the journey of authenticity it is important to remember two things: compassion and curiosity. It’s impossible to know what we feel, think, and need if we are judging ourselves. This is why compassion is so important. Compassion begs for us to understand and releases the need to judge. Curiosity helps with the exploration. If you’re curious, you aren’t trying to fix or change, only learn and understand.

If you’re interested in learning how to heal from your attachment wounds and find your authenticity, reach out for your free consultation!