Do you want to heal your relationship with food?
But you’re not ok with weight gain?
Ahhhh Yes!- this statement. It perfectly captures the dilemma for so many of us. On one hand, we want to have a free, healthy relationship with food, AND we don’t want to gain weight. It’s quite a sticking point and can leave us stuck for decades. So, let’s unpack.
First off, why do you want a better relationship with food? Personally, I was sick and tired of how much head space food was taking up. I thought about it constantly. My mood was totally dependent on how I ate on any given day. If I restricted and stuck to my plan- I had a great day. If I was hungrier and ate more than I planned- I had a terrible day.
Then of course, there are the days when you wake up and weigh yourself. On the days I lost weight- feeling great. On the days I gained, or the number didn’t bunch- feeling terrible.
Not to mention the constant feeling of guilt and shame. I wasn’t just feeling terrible on the days I ate more than I planned- I was a bad person. I’d go as far as to say- I saw myself as a weak, undisciplined, disgusting person.
Food had way too much power over me.
When you’re in this head space, the idea of having a better relationship with food sounds pretty good. I wanted to be able to eat what I wanted without guilt. I wanted my mood to be independent of what I ate or how I looked. I wanted freedom. So, the pendulum swings…
I then swung to repairing my relationship with food. I started to challenge my food rules. I ate forbidden foods and dealt with the discomfort. I started to feel empowered and bold. Food became enjoyable and no longer a source of stress. I stopped jumping on the scale first thing, so my mood wasn’t being determined by the number on the scale. My mental health got better.
Then it happens…We all knew it would. I wake up and put my pants and....they barely button. I stop in my tracks with a sense of panic. How did this happen? I’m all for improving my relationship with food- but at this cost? My thoughts begin to spiral with questions and accusations about how terrible I am.
The pendulum swings again...
Minutes after this discovery of my pants situation, I’m pulling out my calorie counter app and I’m creating my plan for the day. I see the calorie deficit and I quickly calculate how long it’ll take me to lose x amount of weight I just gained. Three months? Phew ok- that’s just in time for the holidays. I can make it. I breathe a sigh of release. I start to feel in control again. My thoughts become more positive. “My body just can’t be trusted. It must be regimented. I’m reigning it back in and soon everything will be ok.”
As the next few days pass, I’m feeling empowered and bold. I can lose this weight. I can control my body again. My mental health gets better.
Fast forward 3 months (probably less!) and I can’t stand this rigidness anymore. Food is on my mind constantly. I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. Last night I ate more than planned and now I feel like garbage. It’s so confusing though- I was starving. How could I be so hungry despite my plan? I can’t take this anymore. I need freedom from food.
That pendulum swings right on back.
Can anyone relate to this scenario? This is what happens when we value improving our relationship with food equally to valuing our weight. Each solution sounds like the perfect answer, until we’ve done it for a little bit,and then the other option seems like the perfect solution. It’s enough to drive you crazy!
I am sure you are expecting me to say:
“Food freedom cannot be found if you are still trying to lose or maintain your weight.”
I can remember when I was in the throes of this back and forth, scouring the internet for the answer to this question, and if I’m honest, really looking for the article that described how you could lose weight AND have food freedom. I’m not sure if I ever even found that- all I know is this back and forth carried on for some time. Eventually I had to experiment with both and then decide which made the most sense for me.
How Do you Decide?
I wish I could offer you firmer advice- but truly, this is a decision you must make on your own It requires taking a deep dive into yourself and figuring out which makes the most sense for you. Is food freedom or weight management more important? I don’t think this can be done on just an intellectual level either, I think you must experiment and try things out.
I suppose this had to be the answer all along- when you really boil Health at Every Size (HAES) down- it is about body autonomy and that is something that can only come from within you.
If you’re ready to explore and decipher your own autonomy- call for your free consultation. I have openings and ready for you!
