Why Body Image Issues Linger

Have you ever noticed that body image issues seem to stick around long after eating disorder behaviors have stopped?  It seems to always be the last piece and the stubbornest.  Why is this? Here’s my take:

 I see eating disorders as a way to manage unmanageable pain and fear. It allows you to shift your focus from things that are out of your control and place it obsessively onto things that you have (seemingly) control over, such as your weight, what you eat, and exercise. As detrimental as eating disorders are, they truly serve a purpose.

 As you let go of the eating disorder behaviors, naturally the pain and fear you’ve been avoiding, floods back in. For example, maybe you start to see that binge eating helped you calm the rampant anxiety in your head. Or your restriction helped you manage your crippling depression. These are powerful realizations to make and allows you to understand yourself better so you can use less destructive coping skills to manage your mental health issues.

Core Beliefs

With me so far? Now is when I’m going to take a left turn, so stay with me. If you have anxiety, depression, attention issues, low self-esteem, irritation, perfectionism, people pleasing (you name it) it came from somewhere. You didn’t just conjure it up- there is a valid reason for what you’re feeling and how you’re behaving. Most of what we feel and think comes directly from the core beliefs we have about ourselves.

Core beliefs, simply put, are boiled down beliefs we have about our worth. Examples are: “I’m not loveable”; “I’m not enough”; “I can’t handle things”; “I am unworthy”; “I’m bad”; “I don’t matter.” As you can see, these are extremely painful beliefs that are usually hidden under layers and layers of our conscious and unconscious awareness.

Sticking with the metaphor of layers: recovery is about pulling back layers. The first layer is the active eating disorder. Once this gets dismantled, the second layer that emerges are the mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, etc. The mental health issues were the fuel for the eating disorder. As this layer get addressed, you begin to understand what is driving the mental health issues. This is the fourth layer- the core beliefs. You discover that the belief, “I’m unlovable” or “I’m not enough” is the belief behind the mental health issues.

So where does body image come in? It seems to me that body image beliefs sound a lot like core beliefs- but with a diet culture twist. For example:

 “I’m not enough” could be translated by diet culture to: “I need to be thin to have worth.”

“I’m unlovable” could be translated by diet culture to: “once I lose weight, I’ll find a partner.”

“I’m bad” could be translated to: “I’m fat and disgusting.” 

“I can’t handle things” could be translated to: “I’m weak and that’s why I can’t lose weight.”

Body Image and Core Beliefs

If this hunch of mine is true, it would explain why the silly body positivity affirmations are a very hollow fix to body image issues. If you believe you are not enough, why would saying, “I love my body” help anything? It wouldn’t. It would only make you feel bad that you can’t even follow this body positivity movement correctly.

So, what is actually effective at changing body image beliefs? The same thing that helps core beliefs- compassion, curiosity, and witnessing. Allow me to model:

Therapist:        Ok, so it seems we’ve pulled the layers back and discovered your core belief is that you’re not good enough.

Client:              Yes- I didn’t realize that’s what was fueling my anxiety, but it makes sense. If I don’t think I’m good enough as I am, then of course I’m constantly worrying about what people will think of me or that people don’t like me.

Therapist:        Right, and it makes sense that for years you struggled with anorexia.

Client:              Yes- because if I was thin, then I’d fit in better, and people would like me.

Therapist:        Makes perfect sense. So, the big question now is, where did this belief that you’re not good enough come from?

Client:              I have no idea.

Therapist:        That’s ok- we have to be curious and explore. How long do you feel this belief has been with you?

Client:              Oh, I can remember thinking this at 8 yo. I’d come home from school with a “B”, and my dad would say I should have gotten an “A”. I never felt like I could please him. That’s what probably made me not feel good enough.

Therapist:        Every child needs to feel loved and accepted by their parents. If they don’t, it creates significant pain. Did you tell anyone about how you never felt like you could please your father?

Client:              I told my mom and she said he just wanted me to be successful.

Therapist:        Did that help?

Client:            No! It only made me feel like I wasn’t successful. I don’t think she realized just how much it hurt me. After that, I just kept it to myself.

This session would continue exploring the client’s belief that she isn’t good enough until she better understands where it came from and the purpose it served. Once she can do this with compassion and curiosity, our sessions will begin to challenge this belief and see if it’s true and based in evidence. Eventually the client will be able to recognize the positive qualities within her and dismantle the belief “I’m not good enough” that was underneath the negative body image thought, “I need to be thin to have worth.”

If this makes sense and resonates- you might be ready to start working on your core beliefs that maintain your poor body image beliefs. Reach out for your free consultation- I have openings and am ready to help!